Heartbroken Itako
by Misai
Summary: Updated after 2 years. Sometimes, life isn't always fair and love is not a hand always fits into a glove. After Yoh rejects Anna's love, an unexpected person is willing to aid her. Slight OOCness. RenXAnna.
1. Love Distraught

A/N: This is an updated for the people who wanted an...update on this I guess. There is nothing new with this but I'm rewriting it in multi-chapter form with much more detail and possibly finishing this after your numerous requests. Let me know if this is worth of continuing on and possibly...why?

Disclaimer:: Don't own Shaman King. If you want the original copy of this fan fiction, e-mail me.

**Heartbroken Itako**

When opportunity finally knocked she found she was too nervous to say so. It was days before the Shaman Fight and she was lost with how to admit herself. Certainly others whispered behind her that it was the outrageous, violent fiancée but in reality, she only found herself just as shy as Tamao.

She contemplated the thought over as she took her seat in the cold, summer grass while gazing at the whimsical, blue skies. The sun held a lonesome gaze over the silent, peaceful graveyard, the only place where shamans did not have to fear. Her thoughts which were previously drifted on the calm taste of the atmosphere slowly retreated to the boy whom she cared of so much it made her heart ache to even think.

She debated whether or not to admit her feelings tomorrow. Quickly, she changed her mind to some time today. Perhaps a time during dinner would be the best. However, everything must be in place. Everything had to be fine. The notion of setting up her emotions made her heart tremble. It was nothing like her, the almighty, violent itako, to fall weakly to such a simple emotion.

It doesn't matter whether or not he's my fiancée, she repeated the thought to herself. It irritated her even more of the situation she found herself in. 'He needs to know how I feel. If he rejects me, would I be just another girl to him? A student in his class? A former student of his family's shrine?'

Memories of Izumo long ago appeared to not have soothed her anxiety. He had reassured her he had cared for her. How reliable was a ten year old boy's vow of love anyway? Sure there were many heart warming stories of childhood lovers reuniting but how well would this sort of fiction play in reality?

Everyday, I can almost feel him drifting away from me. Does he need me anymore now that he has new friends? Is my training worth anything to him?

It made her tired of thinking about the boy. In fact, thinking of him made her want to scream.

What if he found someone else by now, she asked herself. 'Tamao, maybe? She is so kind to everyone. She constantly watches out for Yoh. She's young, hard-working, and in a few years, I may have competition. Of course she's merely a fan but a noticeable one...'

Don't think about it, the itako stopped herself. 'I have every confidence in Yoh. Why should I fear for him?' Anna thought long and hard about this for a while. 'Is it because he's thought for himself now?' She scolded herself again for such an emotionally unstable argument. The itako got to her feet and gazed around the courtyard as if she had expected love to spring up and she was ready to catch it.

She straightened her posture and took a long, deep breath from the mental stress building within her.

"Inevitable." Anna whispered. "I'll have to tell him eventually." She cleared her throat and practiced of what she knew to recite. "Yoh. Can I speak to you for a moment?" she thought silently. "No. Not it."

She shook her head and imagined of another scenario. "Yoh? I need to tell you something." More like it, but not enough, she rejected. "Yoh. We need to talk." The itako nodded. "Act like herself. He knows who you are." She told herself. "...so why do I feel like this?"

I can be wrong, she whispered. I expected him to be one way the entire time.

Not long after, dinner pounced behind her before she knew what to agree on. It was just like any other dinner, yet this time it was going to be different. 'From this point on, Yoh and I will treat each other as husband and wife.'

"These noodles taste weird!" Manta complained.

"Shut up, runt." Anna whispered coolly as she bit down on some chicken.

"Anna, stop that. Manta was only remarking. They're not that bad, right, Manta?" Yoh mentioned almost bitterly. She froze for a moment starting at Yoh like she had never seen him before. Was this the first time he's done that or was it merely her never noticing before? Anna broke the gaze and resumed her eating.

Tamao, who sat amongst them, observed the potential quarrel dissolve immediately. It was to her surprise that she had never seen Yoh scolded Anna like that ever.

Anna interrupted the silence as she slammed the rice blow against the table. Her heart raced quickly for something to occur. 'What do I have to hide? We're already engaged, right? It should be that hard to say three words. Right?' She shook her head slightly. There was the problem. 'I feel like every other person who wants to grab Yoh's attention. I don't feel we're serious even though we're engaged.'

Manta and Tamao, both, began to take notice of Anna's troubled look. Manta finished his scoop of noodles and was prepared to point something out but after seeing Anna's icy, subzero glare, he kept his mouth shut. Tamao seemed to have understood what was going to happen. One didn't need to be a psychologist to know what was going on.

It was Yoh who at last, noticed the sudden silence and the lack of consuming foods. He gave a confused glance to Manta who in return, didn't look at him. His eyes then shift to Tamao's. A quick glance and she looked away almost embarrassed. She resumed her meal awkwardly.

At last, he settled his eyes on Anna who appeared to be the most distraught out of the three.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked.

Should he be concerned about me like I am concerned about him? Anna asked herself.

"Hey, what's wrong? You're not eating." The itako shook her head ignoring his repeated question.

'Should this be how husband and wife consult with one another?' she asked herself.

"Yoh, I have to tell you something." She thought of the words to his reply. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. 'Am I that nervous?' she coughed politely. Her heart pounded in her head giving her a headache from the unstable emotions swimming within her.

"Yoh." Anna finally managed to speak. 'Not how I expected.' Manta and Tamao looked up at Anna in a bewildered stare. She coughed as if trying to spit something out. Anna glared at them as they quickly returned to their sudden, deep interest in their food.

"What is it?" Yoh smiled as he spoke. It was the carefree smile he gave to everyone.

'If he loved someone, how would he look at them? What kind of smile would he give away?'

"I..." she took a deep breath hoping it would encourage her distraught mind. Only three words, she thought. "...bone stuck in my throat." She whispered. She couldn't say it. Her words felt like a rasping murmur. However, her facial expressions must have given away the fact it was not what she had wanted to say. Even Yoh saw that.

Her eyes darted to Tamao's and Manta's. They were at least pretending not to pay attention.

"Is it about Hao?" Yoh asked hinting a nervousness in his voice. Tamao and Manta glanced at Yoh with some interest.

"What does Hao have to do with this?" Tamao asked.

"Nothing." Anna recovered most of her natural tone.

"What is it then?" He asked again, this time in a much more carefree manner.

'Three words.' She reminded herself.

"I—" she paused as she stared at her food. 'Two more words. Almost there.' The itako repeated. "IloveyouYoh."

Tamao, Manta, and Yoh blinked.

"Wasn't that random?" Yoh laughed cheerfully before moving on. Anna froze for a moment staring at her fiancée as he continued his meal joyfully like nothing had ever happened. 'As if nothing happened? He seems happy? Does he feel the same?' The feelings of rejection, despair, anxiety, and hope rushed in a tide of adrenaline through her head all at the same time.

"I meant it, Yoh." Anna bit her lip. Her heart pounded uncontrollably. She could feel her face grow warmer which began to send a sort of shock in her. She had never blushed before. Why now?

"What did you say?" he asked. Tamao and Manta could only stare in wonder.

How could he have missed that? Tamao thought. 'It's not part to interfere but how does Yoh miss something obvious like that?' Manta looked away in hopes that by not looking, the scenario would have just disappeared.

"I said—"

'Anna? Being this sensitive?' Tamao placed a hand on her shoulder for support, but the itako didn't seem to notice.

"I said that I...love you." Anna spoke slowly. Slowly and clearly that the words felt murderous to her. "You?"

This was nothing like the Anna he had met three years ago in Izumo. The cold outer shell that repelled him constantly had now shattered. Yoh's smile seemed to be a glimmering moment of hope for the itako who had waited for a sign for so long.

"We're fiancées, right?" he grinned. Anna blinked in astonishment. Tamao gawked and Manta froze like ice. "Fiancées, then husband and wife. All that marriage and happy stuff. Guy and girl, love each other when they're going to get married." Anna didn't know whether to smile humbly or to sigh in relief. Her breath held thinly in the air.

"I'm sorry, Anna." The solemn voice slowly began to eat away at the dreams she had left. It became a bullet that blew her stomach away. "Although we're fiancées, it doesn't entitle me to loving you."

Tamao gasped and Manta seemed to crack.

Anna stared at the Shaman in horror and disbelief. 'Is that it?' Anna thought. 'He hasn't answered my question yet but why do I feel so...' The itako slammed her fist against the table. The food, the china, the glasses, and the utensils shook from the impact.

"Answer my question, Yoh." Anna muttered doing the best she could to hold back her tears. However, the warm drops of water began to flow from her eyes and released into the open, cold air. She clenched her teeth and attempted to hold herself back from strangling him. "Do you or do you not?"

Yoh took a long look at Anna with his docile, calm, sad eyes but didn't say anything else. She broke his gaze. It almost made her feel ashamed he was staring at her with pity.

"I'm sorry, Anna. I love someone else." He answered slowly." It was all she needed before she had lost control of herself.


	2. Love Begotten

"Sorry Anna. I love someone else." He answered slowly. It was all she had to hear before she finally lost control of herself.

**Heartbroken Itako**

She didn't say a word. The itako got up and left the restaurant without another word. The hair covering her face was enough for her to hide the masked heartbreak she had undergone all in less than thirty seconds.

"Miss Anna-chan!" Ryu waved joyfully although he wasn't able to see the tears that dripped from her face. She ignored the Elvis impersonator and left the restaurant silently.

Tamao had her hand over her mouth the entire time. Manta seemed to have passed out entirely leaving Yoh to stare at his food the entire time with a scowl on his face.

"Boss?" Ryu tapped lightly on the boy's shoulder. Yoh glanced at the taller shaman with surprise like nothing had happened.

"What is it, Ryu?" Yoh asked.

'I can't scold boss. He probably said something that made Anna-chan upset, but nothing ever makes Anna-chan sad! Maybe a relative of hers passed away or Yoh even...' Ryu thought to himself.

"Is Anna-chan okay? What happened?" he asked unaware that he was intruding their privacy. This was definitely not the time to be yelling at his leader's face. Yoh might not even be the cause of Anna's depression for the past several weeks.

"Umm..." Yoh stared at his food again and beamed. "Nothing too important." Tamao recoiled in alarm. It was fortunate that Manta had already passed out. The shock seemed to have got to him more than anyone else.

How could Yoh say something like that? The pink-haired psychic avoided her ouija board for the answer. 'Am I just blindly loving someone for so long?'

'Or is it because no one could ever live without living to love someone?'

Her vision became a wide blur as she stepped clumsily over the dirt road. She walked to wherever the road might take her. What place was there for her to go? Only her feet and the dirt path could take her somewhere far from here. What was the point of going on after your life was based on one thing alone?

She recalled several of her past adolescent classmates argue after reading poetry by Edgar Allen Poe that people just had to move on. 'Who cared anyway?' They would say. It was a selfish thing for such stupid adolescents. Life should be so simple. 'Just move on'. It's that easy, right?

The itako tried finding the right path that would make her life 'easy to move on'. She shook her head and continued down the lonely road.

"Was that the right thing to do, Yoh?" Tamao murmured. Yoh nodded almost confidently.

"She had to know the truth." Yoh answered softly. "I couldn't lie to her, even if she is my fiancée." Tamao understood and nodded sadly.

"If you said that to me too...I...would be disconcerted."

"Tamao, don't get the wrong idea. I know you would love me regardless of whatever happens and I'm thankful." Tamao covered her mouth as she felt her face become numb from mixed feelings. "I want Anna to rely on someone who can give her unconditional love. That person isn't me.

"People can recover and forget. Anna is strong. Even I have faith in her." He smiled. Tamao pushed her food away. It was definitely the last straw she was willing to take. The person in front of her was not the person she thought he was. It was enough no matter how innocent other people said she was, she was by no means, stupidly ignorant. "Tamao?"

"I'm done."

"You haven't even finished half..." Yoh muttered.

"I know." she whispered. "Did you have to give Anna any false hopes?" Her eyes began to tear up. She never thought she would have ever reproached someone like Yoh in her lifetime. It didn't even have anything to do with her.

"Are you implying I should have pretended to love her? Was I suppose to know she actually began to love because of this fiancée thing?" Yoh countered. His face held a sense of confusion and loss that Tamao felt it was not to blame. Yoh was always sensitive but he certainly wasn't God. Perhaps they all had thought him to be someone greater when in reality, he was just Yoh.

Tamao grabbed her ouija board fumbling over the pads of papers that were scribbled by a simple pen. "You could have called off the engagement." Of course, she did not know what the guidelines of the engagement could have been. "If you told her the truth, you should have said it sooner." She then placed several yen on the table before leaving the restaurant quietly in the same direction Anna took without looking back.

"Yoh?" Manta crawled back up the seat.

"You're alive." Yoh grinned.

"You sure you should let them go like that? I mean..."

"Love hurts, Manta. Even I can feel it." He smiled sadly. "We're only thirteen."

"Yeah. I guess so." Manta sighed staring at his unfinished meal. "Water, please." He called the waitress.


End file.
